Nothing Can Comfort A Broken Heart

No matter what anyone says or does, it will not unbreak your heart. The cold reality is the pain you feel as your heart shatters into pieces hurts your soul. No matter how you play the scene of your break-up it doesn't change the now, which HURTS. Yes one day it won't feel this poorly, but unlike everyone else I will not lie to you, NOTHING will make you feel better while your heart is broken.

This was the one picture I felt depicted how I feel.

If you have ever had a broken heart you know the worst part is the flashbacks. In a split second you are back in a memory that warms your heart and then rebreaks it. The emotional moment is nearly as bad as the realization your partner doesn't really love you. I was sitting at work today when my phone buzzed for a text message when I realized how much I looked forward to getting a text him. It is the simple, little moments you realize filled your life and your heart. That's the problem, your heart becomes so filled that when its shattered you are just breaking the mold - you are literally bleeding love. (I did not intend to reference the song here, haha - guess it's true.)

I won't lie - this blog might just be a way for me to vent for a while. I am sorry if it depresses you, I just don't know any other way to get out what I am feeling. My natural route is to try and push all feelings as far away as I can. As I am learning in counseling this is one of the most unhealthy ways to deal with emotions.

I just want to cry. I don't know what else to do. The pain I feel is so raw and immediate. It comes to me in waves. Sometimes I have a memory in mind that makes me sad, and then other times my tears just well up and I want to disappear into a cave of the past. I want to be in his warm, defined arms. I want to feel safe and secure. I want to feel loved and cared about. I want to not be in this situation. Unfortunately, all of these wants are perpetuated disappointment. I was told today not to beat myself up because the only way I am going to really get through this is to feel. I don't want to feel. That's the truth.

No one wants their heart broken, this we can agree on. However, how do you mend a broken heart? To be honest I am not entirely sure, but I am going to document it every step of the way, so if you are looking to heal your heart please follow and comment, sometimes it's nice to know you aren't alone.


Today's First Step:
Make a list of healthy coping alternatives:

• Watching a movie
• Going for a run
• Writing in my journal
• Cleaning...but not too much, haha
• Organizing and planning for my non-profit
• Playing with my cat
• Reading? ...not love stories
• coming up with new hobbies...

It is ok to cry for a little while, but I can't be consumed.