Productively unproductive

I think one of the worst...no the worst thing in life is the unknown. No matter how hard reality may be, as long as you know what's going on you are able to move forward.

So moral of this story...the doctor's office didn't call today. I was really hoping to know the results from my biopsy. And while I knew there was a big possibility I wouldn't know until next week, it isn't comforting in the slightest. On the bright side I've made a decision to force it out of my mind. In my opinion, every aspect of life is a result of a decision you've made. You always have a choice, no matter the situation. Based on my theory then, my choices are one- think about "what if" while obsessively checking my phone for the next few days, or two; realize no matter what the news I'll find a way to get through so I should try to concentrate on something else to take my mind of it.

Somehow cleaning was the decision I made. My apartment looks AMAZING let me tell you. I vaccuumed, scrubbed and washed down the counters, stove, toaster oven, floors, dishes and sink. Then I moved to the bathroom where I managed to find a way to utilize 3 different cleaners, 2 different types of scrub pads as well as the old faithful windex and paper towel. Plus the toilet scrubber. Please note my bathroom is about the size of a hotel elevator, so be impressed. Then after I cleaned in between each tile and washed the shower organizer I decided my room needed to be rearranged. Now I should probably be abiding to my weight restrictions but I am so tired if not being able to do anything by myself so I thought rearranging my room might be a good way for me to boost my esteem.

Ha...well its almost 1am, I finally finished and I have to be at work at 6am. Which choice was the bad decision now...it does feel nice to have my room switched around. I find it comforting my lung didn't collapse or develop a numathorax as a result. I was texting myself, I won't lie.

But here I am, in the state of limbo. I kinda feel like I am trying to find Carmen Santiago and I can't get closer than two steps behind. Only time will tell. Words of wisdom, this too shall pass.