Just breath & Little acts of kindness

So I got into a heated conversation with my mother last night. Why do people constantly exhaust the question what if?

What if the results confirm its cancer? What if I have to go through treatment? What if the world stops fucking turning and we all die? ...that's how I feel. I will be the first to admit I am definitely a planner. I like to know when things are going to happen and if I am not sure I will make them happen. I like to be in control. This often complicates my love life. But what am I suppose to do in this situation? Sit around and plan out what I am going to do for every possible outcome? Ridiculous. If this really is cancer and I have to have treatment I am going to be dealing with it for the rest of my life, so why should spend the next two weeks obsessing over it?

But whatever, I get that she is worried and cares and has the best of intentions. Here is the kicker, she asked me if I am ok burdening K (roommate) and R (boyfriend) with this and the doctor's appointments? ...really- what an awful way to look at it. She wants me to move back to her house which is 5 hours away and leave my life behind. First of all I am extremely lucky to have a friend who cares as much as she does and a boyfriend who would never consider me a burden. Don't get me wrong, I really wonder if I putting too much on either of them but all I can do is live my life and if they can't handle what is going on I know they would tell me. I still feel guilty...but you can only do so much you know?

So instead of boring you with a fight that I am basically over I will switch the topic. Little acts of kindness. It was Leo Buscaglia who said, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

I try to live by this motto. You have no idea what a small passing glance with a smile can do for someone's day. Even more surprising, doing good makes you feel good. Ha, what- no way?! (sarcasm....yes) Something I have done since the time I was little is lay pennies on the ground heads up. I figure there are too many people that pick them up and not enough people to lay them down. My hopes is someone will look down and this simple 1-cent piece will make someone smile. Everyone likes to smile.

Today in the mail I got a few cards from people who have no idea how much I appreciate them. Out of respect I will leave it at that. But please remember what you do makes a difference so make sure that difference is good.

I hope this doesn't seem like a lecture. Just a reminder.