Shoulding Yourself

My mom has Multiple Sclerosis. We received test results this week that it has progressed further and new legions have been found. Based on her recent episodes and difficulties, she said, we should have known the scans would come back worse. Should. What a terrible word. The implication is that, if you were smart enough, used deductive reasoning skills, that you could have determined said outcome. As I started thinking about this word and its implications, I can't help but think - where does that leave hope?

Ok, so yes...maybe I could have reasonably deduced the results of my mom's scans. Why would I do that? Why should I do that? The mind is a powerful tool, and when subjected to the word should, it is underestimated. Not to mention, leads to self-doubt and low self-esteem, when you apply it to yourself. I should not have to do anything that I do not want to. Ok, maybe that's a little too board. I mean, after all, I still have to go to work. But, this post is to make a commitment to stop "shoulding" myself.

Nothing positive comes from the word should. Under close examination, I think this word might play in a large role in my low self-esteem and self-worth. Think about how many times you tell yourself, "I should have done that" or "I should have known better." Even when you apply it to future statements, "I should do that." I think the question needs to come down to, do you want to do that? From there, we have to find a way to forgive ourselves. Or at least, I have to find a way to forgive myself. Maybe there was a better way to deal with something. Maybe there was something I needed to give thought to. But, I am human. I have and will continue to make mistakes. As long as I learn from them, why do I have to further taunt myself with the word should.