A Little Unsure

Today's been a weird day so far. I had to drive my best friend back to the train station. Held back some tears :( How do you go from seeing someone every day for 4 years to hopefully talking to them every couple weeks? You know they care, duh... she booked a trip to come see me because of my surgery. But you wish there was more time in the day because you want to go back to the time when you talked every day :( I suppose this is the instance where we have to stay positive and know we are lucky to have such great friends that would travel states to just be with you. I hope everyone out there as at least one person they know they could call and in a heart beat they would be there. I am blessed to say I have a handful of friends that would do this. Remember friends are the family we get to choose.

My nausea came back today. I am not sure if it is the nerve blockers they have me on or the fact my father found it necessary to light our wood stove and overheat the living room... March madness may also have something to do with it. I love an exciting game, but damn does every game have to come down to the last 2 minutes?!

On a completely different note, do you ever just get into a 'Why?' mood? I am trying not to get sucked in, but I am just so confused about everything. I feel like I should be doing a lot with my life in general. I am a college graduate, yet I work as a breakfast server. I know I could blame the economy or a million other things, but honestly I feel like there are jobs out there for people who are looking hard enough. So why am I not looking? Why am I letting myself live without intention? I suppose there isn't a lot I can do before I fully recover, but still doesn't seem like an excuse.

What's worse is I don't want to make any real commitments to my life in Pittsburgh because there's a chance my boyfriend could go into border patrol and end up in Tuscon. Which would be fantastic for him, the scary part... I'm considering going with him if he has to move. But that's crazy right? We haven't been together that long so how can you justify it? To the same extent but opposite side, who would I have to justify it to? It's my life. I make the decisions. I have nothing to lose going, so why not? Then I start to think, why am I even worrying about this because it might not happen! Ah! He could get a job in the city and if he does that, then I have only wasted time. The scary part is, I don't want to make a huge mistake. I have dated some real duesch bags (for lack of a better word) and I don't want to move have way across the US to figure this out. I know he isn't though, he's unlike anything I've experienced. Which sounds so scripted, right? It's true though.

Ugh...sometimes I think I think too much. To quote Lauren Conrad, "Everyone's past relationships have been bad, that's why they ended." So all we can do is put ourselves out there and deal with what is at hand.